writing show not tell

 I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting. I do this I tried to have to describe what characters think and feel. This is a story I changed 

THE BIG RUGBY GAME

Orientation sports field and characters Two brothers) Problem do not get along - ones adventurous -  they act like good brothers

. There were once two brothers who were not at all alike. One was addicted to video games and a total game freak and the other was an in it to win it, person, he is a really sporty guy. Tom was big, fit, healthy, fast, and brave he was the team captain. Jerry was weak, unfit, and scared of being hurt and bullied by his team and older brother, but he was the smartest on his team on how to play rugby but was very unfit. 

 

2. One afternoon their Mother dropped them off at their rugby game. The team was getting ready but jerry was scared tom said: “get up you lazy boy and get ready to play”. They all went out and started to play. the big brother started to get scared because the other team was bigger and filter than the big brother. 

3. The big brother got bold over a few times but still fin they played and played and played until the big brother got hit and fainted so the little brother got up fear stabbed his hurt well he got up but his brother told him I believe in you so he started to play he played untill the game ended.

4. The little brother went to check on his big brother and he was fine. The little brother ran up to the big brother and gave him a big hug the big brother said “I never thought you had it in you”.

Have you seen polluted rivers?

Here is a a reading response I did in class this week. I hope you find it interesting.

How healthy are you?

 In class, we are learning what it means to be healthy. I learned that if you are healthy in your body you might be sick in your mind or your emotions.

It's So Cold

 In class we do a 'Cold Task' to find out what we already know. Our cold task was on narrative writing. This is a snap shot of what I can do in 30 mins by myself. 

We are learning to self-assess our writing so we know what we are good at and what we need to work on. 

What I want to improve on is I want to improve in my writing by using figurative language.

COLD TASK TERM 2 2022 NARRATIVE 

Write a narrative, this could be a story you make up or a whanau story you retell. 

Name: Hoone

One night tai and my cousin were playing a game called man hunt and tai was running after my cousin.But then when my cousin got clouse to the pool he discited to jump and he made it.but because tai was behind my cousin she tried to jump over the pool as well but when she went to go and jump she fell right in the pool.